did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
