apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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