In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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