the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You brought string cheese to the strip club
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
