I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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