Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
