Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize