its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
