Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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