Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
