I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
