I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
