Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
