My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
