listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
did you just send me my own nude
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
