You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
