well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
