She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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