tell your sister to shave her snatch
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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