and i looked up. we had an audience...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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