yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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