I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
