Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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