Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
