considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
