my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
