I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
