Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
