Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
