I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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