its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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