There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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