Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
