I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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