I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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