i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
