I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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