You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
