After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
