Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
