we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize