"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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