why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
