No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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