using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
