im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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