You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
