I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
so much tequila, so little girl.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
