Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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