have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
me + whiskey = a bad person
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
