I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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