dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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