He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
