Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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