Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
