It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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