I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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