420 ftw
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
