Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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