Umm I'm too high to move.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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