Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
