if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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