You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
