I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
