Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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