38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize