So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
