i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
