Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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