where am i from again
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize